WHICH HOUSE WILL I PICK?

If you’re an HGTV fan like I am, that is the question we devoted fans of House Hunters ask ourselves routinely during the last two minutes of every half-hour segment.  We’ve followed the happy, and oftentimes highly critical couple, on their odyssey to find their perfect dream home!  A home in which they can grow old together…raise their family together, make babies there to fill the house with laughter and the patter of little feet.  Their life-long plans unfold right before our eyes, as we learn their likes, their dislikes, their budgets, their inner struggles--well maybe not their inner struggles--but we do seem to make that deep connection with them. We even want what’s best for them. As viewers, we are even willing to sacrifice our own tastes in houses for the good of what the struggling couple wants. 

And now we agonize with them.  Can they possibly reduce their three favorites down to two?  Can they eliminate one? Maybe one is over budget? “You’ll be house poor,” we admonish them. “Been there, done that,” we chastise them, as they smile and picture grilling on the large trek deck patio, entertaining 50 of their closest friends with steaks and lobsters.

Or…“It’s next to a major highway; don’t pick that house!” we

scream  through the television or computer, as they stand in the back yard on tippy-toes, looking up at a row of tall arborvitae and a ten foot high fence while listening to sirens and honking vehicles speed down a major highway at 80 MPH.  We’re hoping that telepathy, and our sound, objective voice will be heard by this couple.

Or…”It’s in the pathway of oncoming planes? Can you not hear them? Don’t pick that house!” But they seem to be distracted by the beautiful stainless steel appliances and the open floorplan they’ve always dreamed of, and oh-h-h… look at the beautiful granite countertops! “But wait….” we shout! “Be practical.  You don’t want to hear jumbo jets at 3:00AM, do you?” We tell them. We plead, ever the voice of sanity and reason.

Or… “Your dream home is on a winding country road, winding its way into the middle of nowhere! And, you’ll have a four hour commute to work-- one way,” we tell them. And that’s from experience, since we’ve made that same mistake before. Indeed, we have their backs throughout this entire house hunting process—if they would only have the common decency to listen to us, that is.

 My HGTV House Hunters’ moment happened recently as I searched in Florida, for the condo of my dreams, my forever condo (at least for six months each year)! I laughed out loud when I realized that I was playing out a movie trailer from House Hunters over and over in my head.  Having seen three distinctively different condos, and looking for my dream condo where I could entertain both family and 50 of my closest friends, I knew then and there that I had crossed the line into reality television.  I was now role playing an episode of House Hunters—but in real time, in my own life! And I couldn’t get the ticker-tapes out of my head. 

My dialogue went something like this:

“Well, dear, I think we should eliminate the most expensive one.  It’s way over our heads budget-wise. I loved  the condo on the second floor, across the street from the harbor. It’s right next to where our daughter’s childhood friend lived.  But, there’s only one major problem.  They don’t accept two dogs.  Shall we write them a letter telling them we will be good stewards of this condo and lovingly restore it? Then we can slip in the part about having two dogs, instead of the one dog with the 35 pound weight restriction?  Oops! We have two dogs, but together they both equal the 35 pound weight limit. We can’t possibly live without our dogs, both of them. Max is old, almost 100 years old in doggie years. Shall we ask for pet amnesty for Max? (We actually did write that letter!) After all, there are only a few units in this condo complex, and three of them are on the market. I really want to put a bid in on the second floor condo.  But it’s only got a pee-a-boo view of the harbor? But it’s such an awesome view from the second floor.  We could offer a cash deal.  Fingers crossed that they might allow us to bring our two dogs with us. 

That leaves the condo in The Gardens.  It’s reasonably priced, and all completely renovated with (BONUS) --granite countertops (Yay), and all ‘real’ wood cabinetry! And it’s on the first floor with loads of light and a lovely view of the trees.  And it’s walkable to the downtown and Fisherman’s Village. Did I mention, they don’t have a problem taking two dogs?  They also have a heated pool-- which the second floor condo is missing.

 

It’s settled then. We both know which one we want.  Are we in agreement?  Let’s tell Kate (our daughter). She’ll be so excited.  But we’ll just wait until we see if we can actually ‘plead our case for two dogs instead of the one dog limit!  Oh, and did you tell the condo association-- in writing-- that we’ll never-ever have two dogs again? Promise on my mother’s grave!  But Max and Oliver must come with us wherever we go! Swear to God, that’s how the dialogue is going. Just like Cameron Diaz in the movie, The Holiday, where her job is to write movie trailers, and she can’t get them out of her head.  She plays out her own pitiful life in movie trailers, too. 

Fingers crossed.  …and think good thoughts.  Our real-life movie trailer plays out in a couple of days. Stay tuned—“Which house did they pick?”

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